That moment, that moment when the pain of your knife coursed through my body
That moment where the fabric of our intertwining was ripped apart
That moment when the bonds that held us together fell apart,
Was the moment I realized that that moment had become an altar in my mind
The altar was my prison,
The altar in front of which I would pray for permission to be happy
For permission to let you go
The altar in front of which I would seek validation but leave feeling empty
One day I looked down and I saw who’s hand was on the knife
I saw who continued to push the sharp and painful ridges of the blade deep into my soul
That hand was mine
You gave me the knife, you gave me the gun and I willingly used it upon myself
I gave you the keys to my heart and my mind,
I gave you power, kingship, ownership over what you did not create
Create fearful and wonderfully.
First name Anger
Last name Bitterness
I gave it life and I gave it power instead of setting it down
Instead of throwing it down and leaving it powerless,
Leaving it aside, setting it aside like the tumour it is.
Yet I used it,
I let it cut deep into my soul
Pouring out the happiness and peace it once stored
Transplanting all the peace that once dwelt within me to an object,
A mindset with no purpose.
I don’t blame you, I gave you the power
I don’t blame you, I gave you the keys
I don’t blame you, I created you.